On the Road with Los Alpinistas

Hans: Are you an organised group or just a bunch of cool guys?

Richard: While collectively we do not have a reputation for being organised, there are a few amongst us who might qualify for that moniker. We are primarily just a bunch of cool dudes (and dudettes).

Hans: Do you guys, like, lead anything harder than 5.12?

Richard: Not me. Most of us couldn't even top rope 5.12. Jessica, winner of the San Diego triple crown, has been known to lead some 5.12's and she sometimes deigns to hang with us.

Hans: Oh, I see. On these trips do you all climb together then, on top rope?

Richard: Los Alpinistas encompasses a wide spectrum of climbing abilities. When the going gets tough, we have been known to form one huge rope team and send the best leader up first. However, we quickly learnt that this was a sure recipe for disaster. People can climb wherever and whatever they want. The important thing is to get together for beer on Wednesdays and pot luck dinners on Saturday nights.

Hans: What should I bring for dinner?

Richard: Bring something good for the potluck dinner. This has become a Saturday night tradition. Please don't bring hot dogs, sauerkraut or other junk food.

Hans: I'm a vegetarian, so that sounds great to me. Should I bring firewood?

Richard: If you have some lying around, bring it along. If there's too much, Pyro Jim will show you how to burn it all.

Hans: I'm curious, why the name "Los Alpinistas"?

Richard: Oh that, that's because a Mexican Federale called us Alpinistas when he realised we were carrying climbing gear and not drugs.

Hans: Do you guys use drugs?

Richard: It's dangerous to climb when high. We seek a natural high, Hans. We have, however, observed that a generous preprandial shot of margarita on an empty stomach can encourage some particularly bold leads or inspired poetry readings around the campfire. Climbing inebriated is not especially condoned, but when the audience is in a similar state of intoxication, tipsy climbing is likely to be encouraged. Most importantly, we don't want to get blown away by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms in their zeal to "work for a sound and safer America".

Hans: How many people go on these trips?

Richard: It depends on the trip. And sometimes we share a campsite with a Sierra Club group.

Hans: Sierra Club. Aren't they a bunch of peony sniffers?

Richard: <Chuckle> Around here they sniff the desert sage and the Indian Paintbrush. But you're correct, Hans. They'll all be hiking and engaging in other sybaritic pursuits while we are scraping our knuckles on the rock.

Hans: Can I bring my Winnabago and Rottweiler?

Richard: Sorry, Hans. Usually we restrict ourselves to tent camping ... and we prefer no vicious pets.

Hans: Will I have anyone to climb with?

Richard: Are you kidding me?

Hans: Are you guys safe? I'd like to hook my sister up with people who will teach her how to climb.

Richard: If you care about your sister, you should teach her how to climb. We do not offer any formal instruction in climbing. While we try to be as safe as possible, we are individually responsible for our own safety.

Hans: This sounds like my kind of trip. Is all of this free?

Richard: On trips to Joshua Tree National Park I ask everyone to give me $2 on Sunday morning to reimburse me for the site reservation fee, but there is no charge for children. Other than that, and excluding a few designated fundraising trips, there are no costs beyond those for food, transportation and applicable entrance fees.

Hans: Too bad I don't have any kids then. Where can I meet you guys?

Richard: Carpool if at all possible. This is particularly important for Josh trips 'coz parking space is limited. But we are also conservationists and we want to help preserve the world's supply of long chain hydrocarbons for the manufacture of climbing ropes.

Hans: I'll be there.

Richard: Right on dude. I'm looking forward to climbing with you ... and your beautiful sister!