The 2003 Soft Body Classic, Mt. Conness 12,590 ft, 3837 m
North Ridge, mixed 4th-5th class

by John Lohr

"Some mountaineers are proud of having done all their climbs without bivouac. How much they have missed! And the same applies to those who enjoy only rock climbing, or only the ice climbs, only the ridges or the faces. We should refuse none of the thousand and one joys that the mountains offer us at every turn. We should brush nothing aside, set no restrictions. We should experience hunger and thirst, be able to go fast, but also know how to go slowly and to contemplate."

The Softbody Classic for 2003 was the North Ridge of Mt. Conness, for which the first ascent is credited to Barry Hagen and Galen Rowell in 1969. The route gets 80% maximum stars and is one of the favorite sierra routes of Peter Croft, appearing on the cover of his guide, no less. Recall that the rules for the Softbody classic are that the climb has to be 1.) Multi pitch, 2.) Easily accessible and 3.) Easy enough that nobody will shit in his or her pants. Previous Softbodies have included Cathedral Peak, Bear Creek Spire and the Royal Arches, to provide a flavor of the event. It will occur to some that Bear Creek Spire is not really easy access, so one has to understand that the rules are only guidelines, rather than the word of God.

Route beta for Mt. Conness was bifurcated, there being one camp of those for whom the climb was one big piece of cake. This group provided advice like, "Rope up when you feel the need..." Well, duh. The other camp was for those who started early, conscientiously roped up and carefully did everything right and then either bivouaced or got back to their cars after the bars had closed, marking a defeat of sorts. The second group would find that they were way, way over-equipped and would be passed en route by all manner of old and young, scroungy and clean cut, all of whom were free-soloing or simul-climbing the route.

This year there were 11 softbodiers and these were divided into two groups by time spent on the route. We will call these the Breezers and the Interminables. The Breezers, Olivier, Evelyne, Spencer and Lisa, made it back to camp by about 5 pm and the seven members of the Interminables, Bill, Daun, Sam, Heather, Chris, Katy and the Sloth, spent the night out. We did the climb the second weekend after Labor Day in a period of absolutely dynamite weather that had lasted for weeks.

The route starts at the Saddlebag Lake fishing camp. If you are staying at the Saddlebag Lake walk-in campground, which is a good idea, do a car shuttle over to the fishing camp. The campground fee is not waived for anyone, no matter how many Golden Geezer Passes you may have, but if you have a National Forest Adventure Pass, the fee drops to half the normal. It turns out that the National Forest Pass is not the same as the National Park Pass, but we put our Park Pass numbers in the blank on the campground tags, paid the half price fee and never heard boo about it. Maybe you could also use your mom's phone number. It's always a good Adventure if you feel you have screwed those who are out to screw you.

You start out at a green building at the fish camp and go along the north side of Saddlebag Lake, looking for a distinctive boulder where you're supposed to strike out to the left, while wondering what a distinctive boulder might look like. Super Topos was right again, for the boulder is, well, distinctive. Descriptions of the route are pretty accurate. You just go on up, pass the beautiful alpine Conness Lakes and then do a short funky semi chimney move to get through a wall and gain the North Ridge. If you are lucky, you will find some booty here. As with the whole climb, this looks tricky, but proves to be pretty easy, even with a pack. You move left, find the ridge and then just go on up. The whole climb is on extremely solid rock with many, many fantastic holds and whopping big exposure. If you fell off, you would die a spectacular death, but you will not fall off. Any climber who is comfortable on 5.4 should have absolutely no trouble with any of the 4th class parts of the route, which is to say, pretty much all of it.

The first route finding exercise comes at the first tower, which is passed by taking a not too obvious third class route around the tower on its left side. Many are tempted to go through a kind of tunnel closer to the tower itself, but you just stay left, do an airy step through a notch and come out on the continuation of the ridge. You then continue up the ridge to the top of the second tower, which is easy and which can then be rapped off in two raps. Both of these had sling anchors and rap rings in pretty good shape. The top of the second rap is slightly inobvious, but just look around. You can downclimb this part (5.6), but remember that this is the Softbody Classic you're dealing with.

All the while you are messing with the raps, you will be looking up and to the left at a marvelous granite face. If you are an Interminable, you will see little bitty people way on up there, many of whom will have passed you earlier in the day. You will be intimidated by this, especially if you know what time it is. It turns out that this whole section will be very easy and could either be simul-climbed or, as with my rope, led and then simultaneously followed by two at once. Nobody even slipped on this, but if you did, you might not even die any more.

Some beta on this section suggested a right traverse across the face to the next ridge. Other beta suggested staying on the left hand edge for best climbing. I recommend the latter. I am a complete chickenshit, and I had great fun with the best climbing side. The whole left side is made more fun by the fact that from time to time you just pop out and find yourself staring down the whole sheer face of the North Ridge. You slink back onto the face only to pop out the same way again 100 m further up. As usual, there are more pitches of this than you expect.

If you are an Interminable, you might top out at sundown, about 12 hours after you started at the lake. The Breezers were on their second beers in camp by the time the slow guys made it up.

At this point you need to get your act together and your headlamp out. The descent is down the east ridge on more spectacular 3rd class scrambling. At the bottom of the upper part of ridge is a gigantic sandy plateau with a few rock shelters, which probably have seen more than their share of misery. If it's early in the day, it will be a shorter descent if you go straight ahead across the left edge of the sandy area, follow the lower extension of the east ridge and then launch down a steep slope toward Alpine Lake.

If it is dark, you will do better to gather your troops, follow the trail about a mile toward the southeast to where a cut in the south trending headwall, marked by a lone duck, will let you return toward the northeast and skid your way down a sand and scree slope leading to a huge pile of boulders. Even at night, the general trend of the land will get you going correctly and about five hours after you were on top, you will be in the valley where small streams provide babbling and some water. Home free, you are thinking, but no way, José. Continue on down on mixed rock and shrubbery until you can't take it any more.

About midnight the vote was taken to go no further. This happened to Shackleton's men too, but in their case they were going to die if they voted to stop, so they voted to continue. In our case, we found a nice tree to sit under and settled in for a pleasant bivvy. By the way, in this area you will be in the Carnegie Institute experimental area. Wood fires are strictly prohibited. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU START A WOOD FIRE, SINCE SOME GRADUATE STUDENT MIGHT LOSE A LIFE'S WORK AND HAVE TO START ALL OVER IN SIXTH GRADE. If you do see a fire, immediately report it to academia.

Here I confess to having fallen asleep while others tended to the fire. I understand that everyone huddled together for warmth except for Sam, who set himself up in the dark away from the group. From time to time, as people moved off to pee or stretch, Sam's screams cut through the darkness like an elephant through a pack of hippos. Luckily, nobody actually stepped on his face, but he got stepped on plenty, leading to a number of chortles and no sympathy whatsoever.

Daun. Followed by Dawn. Followed by down. In no time everyone was chipper and feisty again and in no time more we were all back at camp, ready to bag some Zz's and some eats and tell our heroic tale to the Breezers, who offered to go get our cars. Bless them.

After a while, we packed up, headed for some sightseeing in the Valley and then boogied on home. It was the end of another Softbody Classic, the 2003 edition and plenty fun too, you betcha.

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