The 2002 Soft Body Classic

by John Lohr

OK, so last year was a fluke. The softbody Classic in 2001 was supposed to be Cathedral Peak followed by Mt. Starr King, both of which are to be found (or not) in Yosemite Park. The account of the 2001 Softbody is already in the Alpinistas archives. As you read, you will find no mention of the Sloth in this account, owing to the fact that Sloth and two ravishing female companions were unable actually to locate Cathedral Peak, opting instead to wander the forests in the general direction of Unicorn Peak. Please inquire privately for more information about this fiasco.

So this year, as usual, several suggestions were made for the Softbody, to be held the 12 -15th of September. These included a number of worthy targets, but lingering in the back of the Sloth's fuzzy brain was the feeling that, yes, he could find Cathedral and, yes, he maybe could climb it. So Sloth hatched a plan whereby he would try to interest the same two damsels in Cathedral while others who may already have climbed Cathedral at the official time the previous year mucked around in Tuolumne Meadows. This would be followed by joint attacks on some other peaks to round out the adventure. As it turned out, one of the damsels came down with a sore knee and the other came down with (I kid you not) a pectoral strain. So Sloth was forced to try to induce some of the group to return to Cathedral (if this sounds like the kind of mission to clear up unfinished business that George H.W. Bush is pursuing, you'd not be far from the truth). Anyway, in the end Tuck and Bob agreed to lead Cathedral and Sloth, Greg, Chris and Katy would follow in two groups of three.

We began the whole process by warming up on Puppy Dome in Tuolumne, following the information in "Tuolumne Topropes," (a.k.a "Yosemite Climbing for the Common Man") a book after my own heart. As befits a true Softbody Classic, dinner was at the Tuolumne Lodge, which was in its last weekend of operation. The Lodge had indifferent food to match the service, but some interesting company was provided by a banker and his wife from Stockton at the family style table. The next morning we were up before daun, who wasn't there, and set out for the two hour hike up to the base of Cathedral. Along the way we passed Unicorn Peak, which sure looks like Cathedral if you are a semi-blind complete idiot. The guidebook says there may be a line to get onto Cathedral, but when we got there we only had to wait about 2 minutes. One codgerguy who was second on a rope in front of us commented that he had planned to hit the Grecian Formula, but was glad he hadn't, since we made him look young without any chemical additives required on his part.

We set out, Tuck & Co. following the normal route leading to the famous chimney and Bob & Co. off to the right. The Supertopos were quite correct in saying that there really aren't specific routes, since there were lots of possibilities. The first pitch afforded Bob the opportunity of testing the ruggedness of Greg's radios by dropping one about 50 feet to the rock, following which several pieces arced out into space, finally landing in a tree, from which Chris was able to extract everything except the battery compartment door. Amazingly, the thing still worked fine with some tape over the hole where the door had been. Climbing with radios eliminated a lot of screams, hollers and the general lack of organization usually associated with Los Alpinistas.

The first pitch is moderate angle with a million holds. Bob whistled while he worked. The second pitch was only slightly more difficult, ending on a pleasant ledge below the chimney. Tuck decided to tackle the knobby face to the left of the chimney, but the absence of pro made it a bit too interesting and he eventually wimped off and disappeared into the off-width. Bob passed the chimney on the right, where there is a series of knobs on a block, which could be protected by reaching down and right to a crack at the base of a dihedral formed by the block and the rest of the face. We were climbing in parallel with Tuck's group, which made for some nice hero pictures of Katy and even Chris. On the next pitch, off to the right there was some loose rock, in particular a block the size of a small refrigerator that was completely loose and simply sitting there waiting for someone to lieback on it. All the routes converged above this point and one by one the group disappeared over a ledge, moved right, then left, crossed a strange abyss and found themselves on top. Although the last couple of moves are intimidating, the holds are solid and Tuck was quite professional and fearless in leading it. By actual experiment there is room on top for six...barely. Everybody was on top in about 5 hours after a two hour hike in from Tuolumne Meadows.

The descent goes around the back to an easy series of traverses above scary looking slabs, but the knowledge that John Muir had used this route when he climbed Cathedral without even the benefit of any radios or Powerbars and probably in moccasins gave some comfort to the whole process. Along the way down one is treated to a spectacular view of Eichorn Pinnacle, which is even better if there are people on top, as there were.

You can either descend by heading northwest to the John Muir Trail, way long but Richard's natural choice, or by traversing to the north saddle and down the northeast side back to the Budd Creek drainage, which is way shorter. The shorter route provides excellent views of Cathedral, er, Unicorn Peak.

It's downhill all the way to camp. The evening's campfire was graced by Judy Rittenhouse and Dave German, fresh from rescuing a pudgy guy who had pooped out trailside somewhere, and Peggy and Joe along with a guy with the strange name Toe Knee who thought we had actually come to climb and who eventually gave up on us and did the standard route on Fairview Dome. We also were joined by Chris and Dave, who were attracted by our women and also by their desire to get copies of the pictures we had of them on top of Eichorn in the standard pose.

Next morning we got a leisurely start and headed for the Valley, where we had decided to eat pizza and then head over to Church Bowl, which is convenient to the Awahni Bar and the hospital. The target was to be the Bishop's Terrace, a beautiful two pitch (one pitch with a 60 m rope) mixed face and crack climb with excellent pro and a great view from the top. Once again, Bob and Tuck were the heroes, but this time we were joined by Carl VanHerreweghe, Joe, Peggy and Toe Knee. Everybody made it up the climb in style and marveled at what a great climb it is. If you only have time for one short climb in the Valley and the Glacier Point Apron is mostly closed, like it was, consider this climb. In addition to the hospital and the Awahni, the Church Bowl is also close to the store, so it was easy to pick up a few six packs for the thirsty multitude to reward their efforts.

Joe and Peggy had already dropped big bucks at the Awahni Bar, but we nevertheless hauled them back over there, insisting on a celebratory splurge followed by dinner at the Yosemite Lodge, where we pretty much closed the place.

One last night in Tuolumne, and we cleared out just before they sealed the meadow up for the season. The deal with the couple from Stockton we had met back at the Tuolumne Lodge is that the wife spends the whole summer in Yosemite, while her husband does banking and holds down the home front. The one time Sloth was in Stockton, it seemed that nobody there was completely normal, so maybe this arrangement is the way to go if you have to live in the Central Valley. We all felt better after the SBC too and we're not even from a place that's populated with people who are two sigma out, maybe.

On the way home, there was time for one last adventure, a dip in the Hot Creek at Mammoth, where, owing to lack of proper equipment, we were close to skinny dipping much to the disgust of the others in the water and even ourselves. We finally killed the last of the beers in Randsburg in front of the jail and then boogied our way back to San Diego for early to bed. The end of another perfect and suitably decadent Softbody Classic had come. And that's finally it for Cathedral, for sure, for sure, dude.

Comments?

Wed Apr 16 '03 No title! Sean (38)

A Los Alpinistas story by John Lohr.